The Original JT Photography

This entry was originally about one conversation with a model whom I’d just met. Over the course of writing this a number of unrelated yet similar conversations have popped up so I’m going to try and include as many of them as I can but I’ll probably get bored or lose my train of thought before I finish – I tend to do that a lot.

Had a shoot today that turned in to the beginning of a great friendship as well as a great lesson in life. I was raised to believe that one should act as if they know better.
A common thing that I’ve heard over the years from women is: “I want a man who will put me in my place..” That’s always been both a major turn off and a very intriguing stand point to me. I’ve always felt and expected that one should “know their place”. In other words, if you know that you’re being an ass – stop being an ass! Its that simple. Why are you looking for, hoping for or expecting someone to call you on your bad behavior? To knowingly act on this premise is beyond immature. It’s something I will never understand. I’ve also realized that I pretty much stand alone on this or at best I’m in a very small minority.

So, back to my first conversation, I was talking with a lovely British model named Gisselle. She confessed to me that in the past she sought out bad boys but was now beyond this and simply wanted someone who would treat her with kindness. This is trait I see often from women in their 30′s. She explained to me “how women think”, she said: “if a woman sees you as a door mat then even though she knows it’s wrong, she will proceed to treat you like a door mat and walk all over you simply because she thinks can. It’s not right but we cant help it. Much like when we are on our cycle, we know we’re being a bitch but we simply cant stop ourselves. Truth be told, nobody wants a gentleman…you’re not our slaves. Why do American women think every man owes them something? Treat em mean – keep em keen. Honestly mate, it’s how you’ve got to be.” My mother ingrained in my head that I MUST open doors for women, MUST pay for things, etc, etc.. Though I honestly believe that most women dont deserve this treatment (especially when they expect it) I do it anyway out of sheer habit. It was nice to hear a woman agree. Chalk up another point for non-American women!

Days later, I received a distressed call from a gorgeous friend who feared that her on again off again boyfriend of five years was finally going to end the relationship – for good. Initially, she told me that in five years they had never spent a holiday together nor had she ever been invited to meet his family. My first though (and remaining thought) is that she is just a chick on the side. Days later, she told me that during their five years together she constantly berated and emasculate him because he made less money than she did but she recently realized how horribly she’d behaved and was trying to make amends for her behavior. She was worrying that this realization had come too late.

I’m totally guilty of having Capt. Save-a-Hoe syndrome. A few days prior to this conversation I rescued a friend from a bad situation, brought her back to my place and let her crash until she gets back on her feet. While she’s been here I’ve been privy to always being within earshot of her phone calls with her boyfriend. Yes, she has a boyfriend – together for three years at that. You’re probably asking the same question that I asked myself – why wasn’t he the one to rescue her and why isn’t he the one helping her with a place to crash? I’m always fascinated by women’s definition of “boyfriend”. By the way, I don’t ask questions if the answer seems blatantly obvious so no, I did not ask her why. Anyway, he calls her a few times a day, many of those calls end in arguments. One particular argument lasted for roughly two hours. It was spawned by her telling him that she runs their relationship and that she is “both the woman and the man.” I cringed when I heard that. This went on and on.. The next day she consulted with a friend and realized that the way she spoke to her boyfriend could have been handled more tactfully. Oddly enough she continues to describe the dynamics of their relationship to other people as “I’m both the woman and the man in our relationship.” Hearing this I cant help but wonder what does that make him – a child, a figurehead or just totally insignificant? All of that being said, the most interesting remark I overheard her say was: “Where’s the asshole I was attracted to pursue?”

Wow! It really is true…. I am too nice.