So, in line with venting about my past relationship – what is a whore?
A whore: Seeks love only if there’s something in return and lives on the premise that life is a trade.
You give me this and I’ll give you that.
You provide for me and I’ll love you.
You give me the attention I desire and I’ll care for you.

Had a shoot today that turned in to the beginning of a great friendship as well as a great lesson in life. I was raised to believe that one should act as if they know better.
A common thing that I’ve heard over the years from women is: “I want a man who will put me in my place..” That’s always been both a major turn off and a very intriguing stand point to me. I’ve always felt and expected that one should “know their place”. In other words, if you know that you’re being an ass – stop being an ass! Its that simple. Why are you looking for, hoping for or expecting someone to call you on your bad behavior? To knowingly act on this premise is beyond immature. It’s something I will never understand. I’ve also realized that I pretty much stand alone on this or at best I’m in a very small minority.

So, back to my first conversation, I was talking with a lovely British model named Gisselle. She confessed to me that in the past she sought out bad boys but was now beyond this and simply wanted someone who would treat her with kindness. This is trait I see often from women in their 30′s. She explained to me “how women think”, she said: “if a woman sees you as a door mat then even though she knows it’s wrong, she will proceed to treat you like a door mat and walk all over you simply because she thinks can. It’s not right but we cant help it. Much like when we are on our cycle, we know we’re being a bitch but we simply cant stop ourselves. Truth be told, nobody wants a gentleman…you’re not our slaves. Why do American women think every man owes them something? Treat em mean – keep em keen. Honestly mate, it’s how you’ve got to be.” My mother ingrained in my head that I MUST open doors for women, MUST pay for things, etc, etc.. Though I honestly believe that most women dont deserve this treatment (especially when they expect it) I do it anyway out of sheer habit. It was nice to hear a woman agree. Chalk up another point for non-American women!

Days later, I received a distressed call from a gorgeous friend who feared that her on again off again boyfriend of five years was finally going to end the relationship – for good. Initially, she told me that in five years they had never spent a holiday together nor had she ever been invited to meet his family. My first though (and remaining thought) is that she is just a chick on the side. Days later, she told me that during their five years together she constantly berated and emasculate him because he made less money than she did but she recently realized how horribly she’d behaved and was trying to make amends for her behavior. She was worrying that this realization had come too late.

I’m totally guilty of having Capt. Save-a-Hoe syndrome. A few days prior to this conversation I rescued a friend from a bad situation, brought her back to my place and let her crash until she gets back on her feet. While she’s been here I’ve been privy to always being within earshot of her phone calls with her boyfriend. Yes, she has a boyfriend – together for three years at that. You’re probably asking the same question that I asked myself – why wasn’t he the one to rescue her and why isn’t he the one helping her with a place to crash? I’m always fascinated by women’s definition of “boyfriend”. By the way, I don’t ask questions if the answer seems blatantly obvious so no, I did not ask her why. Anyway, he calls her a few times a day, many of those calls end in arguments. One particular argument lasted for roughly two hours. It was spawned by her telling him that she runs their relationship and that she is “both the woman and the man.” I cringed when I heard that. This went on and on.. The next day she consulted with a friend and realized that the way she spoke to her boyfriend could have been handled more tactfully. Oddly enough she continues to describe the dynamics of their relationship to other people as “I’m both the woman and the man in our relationship.” Hearing this I cant help but wonder what does that make him – a child, a figurehead or just totally insignificant? All of that being said, the most interesting remark I overheard her say was: “Where’s the asshole I was attracted to pursue?”

Wow! It really is true…. I am too nice.

During all of this downtime I’ve been trying to up my value and mental….. hmm, what’s a good word here… ah yes – perseverance by listening to and watching Anthony Robbins. Notice a keyword missing from that scenario? I did not say “doing” or “practicing” which are but integral words to “accomplishing”.
Needless to say I’m feeling a bit stuck again. This sucks ass and not in a good way (some of you are now wondering “there’s a good way?”).
I’m bored, hungry and my dog is driving me crazy – guess that means it’s time to take him for a long walk so he’ll calm down.

As promised:

jamey james

I’m honestly tired of talking about my past relationship but it wears so heavy on me that I think the only way to shed the weight is to exorcise the hauntings. The only way, I think, I can accomplish this is to “talk about it”. Of course, I’ll probably get tired of typing this shit long before I make any significant point(s) – especially since I’m typing on a damn iPhone at 3:45am.

Its 3:46am on a Saturday. I’m in bed, wide awake, trying jockey for position and secure a comfortable amount of real estate from my 130lbs puppy. I’m 42yrs old, 6’5″, 230lbs and my 14month old puppy generally wins the lions share of the bed because I think he’s too cute to wake up. This is what my life has become? Or, is this a sign of a fundamental issue that has lead my life to where it is? I tend to think that later.

I’ve always been one to dwell on random shit but this is the first relationship that has completely fucked my head up. It’s really pissing me off but I guess it’s just one of those things in life that you have to ride out until its out of your system – quite annoying. I thought dating would help but it seems to only make matters worse.. “because I still have that other girl in my head..” I’ve been seeing a really wonderful girl – smart, beautiful, talented, caring, down to earth, not American (yes, that’s a plus in my book), loves my dog… possibly loves me… yet I cant help but pull myself away from someone (anyone) who is obviously good for me. I spend my days playing Queensryche’s “I don’t believe in love” on endless repeat.

Yeah, I’m done with this for now…. I should try to get some sleep..

On average, the crew worked 18-20 hours a day. The cast, probably 12-15hrs per day, most of which consist of waiting around for their time on camera – this is the norm on most movie sets. Overall it was a very harmonious group. That being said, it only takes one person to screw things up for everyone else. It never fails to amaze me how distruptive an unchecked ego can be. One bratty little girl armed with princess syndrome, a handful of lies, a twitter account, a healthy dose of immaturity and a grand desire for attention, single handedly held the production randsom just long enough to extort the budget and screw up numerous travel arrangements for the cast and crews return home.

Her complaints began on day one with “this crew doesn’t pay any attention to me..” In case you’ve never been on a production, you should know that the crew has one thing in mind – getting through the day and going to bed because there’s a lot of work to be done. We’re basically just grunts. Plus, flirting with the talent is generally pointless unless you’re the director or have some position of power. Even in “sub-Hollywood”, the hollywood tactics of working your way up the status latter still apply. I liken this to a person who has grown accustomed to the instant gratification of microwave dinners that when given the opportunity to have a home cooked gourmet meal the first thing they do is complain “Why is this taking so long!? This taste different than what I know…”

The intriguing thing about people who act this way is that their behavior based in a need for excessive attention, yet at the end of the day, no one likes them and the source of their biggest payday will never hire them again because they were such a pain in the ass to work with.

Ya know what, I really dont feel like giving this any more of my energy. In the words of NWA: “a bitch is a bitch…”